INT. - JENNY AND SHANE'S HOUSE - BATHROOM - DAY
[Carmen and Jenny are in the shower together.]
[Title card: Los Angeles, California - This Morning]
[Jenny gets out and goes to the toilet. Carmen follows.]
Carmen: Well, I have to pee, too.
Jenny: Okay, I'm going to be done in a sec.
[Carmen stands in front of Jenny, and then sits on Jenny's lap, facing her.]
Jenny: What are you doing?
Carmen: I want you to spread your legs.
[They pee.]
Jenny: Oh, fuck.
INT. - JENNY AND SHANE'S HOUSE - HALLWAY - DAY
[Mark paces outside the bathroom. Shane walks by.]
Mark: These girls are taking fucking forever.
Shane: You okay?
Mark: I am dying.
[Shane knocks on the bathroom door.]
Shane: Hey guys, come on, let Mark in. He has to go.
INT. - JENNY AND SHANE'S HOUSE - BATHROOM - CNTD.
Carmen: Do you feel that?
INT. - JENNY AND SHANE'S HOUSE - HALLWAY - CNTD.
[Shane whaps on the door.]
Shane: C'mon, guys, his back teeth are floating. Be nice.
[Shane has her ear to the door a few seconds, hears nothing, and then opens it.]
INT. - JENNY AND SHANE'S HOUSE - BATHROOM - CNTD.
[Shane bursts in and sees Carmen and Jenny. They stop. Shane is frozen in her tracks. Jenny looks immediately guilty.]
Jenny: Oh!
[Shane walks out and closes the door.]
INT. - JENNY AND SHANE'S HOUSE - HALLWAY - CNTD.
[Mark is hopping from foot to foot.]
Shane: Use the bushes.
[Mark runs outside.]
[Opening credits]
MARK'S LESBIAN DOCUMENTARY -
[We see Mark's video of himself, interspersed with video he's taken over time of Jenny, Shane, Carmen, and others.]
Mark: Hi. I'm Mark Wayland, and I live in a house with two lesbians.
[Title card: Wayland Pictures]
[Jenny and Shane sit on a chair, playfully touching and giggling.]
Jenny: My name is Jenny Schecter.
[Title card: presents]
[Shane from when Mark went to interview for the room in the house.]
Shane: I'm Shane.
[A video of the video Mark made of himself in the house.]
Mark: And this... is gonna be a document of my journey.
[Shane, Jenny and Carmen put their arms around each other, smiling and smoking a joint.]
[Title card: A Compendium of Lesbianism, Volume I]
[Mark sits in his garage, talking to the camera.]
Mark: Initial observations and theories.
[Jenny sits on the couch.]
Jenny: And what makes you think that lesbians don't fuck?
Shane: Where do you live, Mark? It's entirely possible.
[Dana and Alice sit at the kitchen table.]
Dana: I'm Dana.
[The video cuts.]
Dana: Fairbanks.
[Cut.]
Dana: I thought it would totally ruin my career, but it didn't.
[Cut.]
Dana: People thanked me.
[Back to Mark in the garage.]
Mark: These girls talk about everything.
[Carmen sitting at the kitchen table.]
Carmen: My name is Carmen de la Pica Morales.
[Cut.]
Carmen: I was 16 back then, and I fell madly in love with Lucia Torres.
[Cut.]
Carmen: She was Pablo Fuentes' girlfriend.
[Cut.]
Carmen: You just - you didn't fuck with Pablo's girl. (smiles) But I did.
[Back to Dana and Alice.]
Dana: This is Alice P - uh - Pie -
Alice: Pieszecki.
[Cut.]
Alice: I don't miss it. No. There's ways and things. (chuckles)
[Dana smiles and drops her head in embarrassment.]
[Back to Mark in the garage.]
Mark: Now, I don't know if that's strictly a lesbian thing, or - or what, but man, these girls are all up in one another's business.
[Jenny from when she was talking to Bette about Tina.]
Jenny: This is so much more complicated than that.
[Jenny sits on Shane's lap. They laugh at each other.]
[The video suddenly freezes.]
INT. - SLEAZY PRODUCER'S OFFICE - DAY
Producer: Yeah. Yeah. Where's the fucking pussy?
[Mark sits next to the TV with the image of Jenny and Shane frozen on it. He gets up.]
Mark: Look, the hidden cameras are still in place so I can get more footage, but... I mean, already what I've shown you here is a big step up from Bare Knuckle Backyard Brawls and Wild Women of Encino.
[Neither the producer nor Gomey look impressed.]
Mark: This could be really huge for us. Like - what's great about this project is it's not just about sex. These women, they have a way of life, and a culture of their own, and it's revelatory, it's anthropological. If we just - if we do this right, this could so easily be at Sundance.
Producer: I'm praying to God you're fucking kidding.
Mark: Gomey, man, get my back. You know what this means to me.
Gomey: I do. Eat a dick.
Mark: Look, just from a marketing perspective -
Producer: Listen to me, Wayland. I'm the marketer. I know our audience. Men. Red-blooded, testosterone-crazed, American men, do not give a fuck about some kind of anthropological bullshit! We want hot, lesbian sex, and we want it NOW!!
[Mark scoffs, and retrieves his video.]
Producer: You're in direct violation of your contract. Okay? And I expect you to return every penny of the money I advanced to you. You hear what I'm saying?
[Mark gets his things and leaves.]
INT. - ALICE'S APARTMENT - ALICE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
[Dana lies on the bed. Alice sits at her feet, removing Dana's boots and socks.]
Alice: So, have you thought about it?
Dana: Thought about what?
[They giggle.]
Alice: About what we talked about. The toys.
Dana: Oh, you mean the sex toys.
Alice: Mm-hmm.
Dana: Can I ask you something?
Alice: Yeah. Ask away.
[Alice puts Dana's legs around her waist and pulls her to her.]
Dana: Is it a bisexual thing? You trying to have your cake and eat your pussy too?
Alice: No. It's not a bisexual thing.
Dana: Okay, good. Because, wait. I don't wanna do that with you. I mean, if you're trying to make me into a man because you think that there's something missing, then I want you to go ahead -
[Alice climbs on top of Dana.]
Alice: Dana, many bonafide lesbians find strapping it on the ultimate way of fucking. And I think it'd be really hot for you to fuck me like that. Okay?
INT. - HELENA'S HOUSE - MORNING
[Tina wakes to the sound of Helena griping at Winnie on the phone as she pulls a suit from the closet.]
Helena: (phone) How does it compare, hm? Private education, travel, fascinating life experiences - I just don't see how you envision any judge or jury finding you the superior choice!
[Tina knits her brow.]
Helena: (phone) As you wish.
[Helena ends the call. Tina goes back to sleep. Helena quietly walks in.]
Helena: Hey.
[Tina opens her eyes and smiles. Helena sits on the edge of the bed.]
Helena: How are we this morning? Hm?
[Helena seems genuinely happy. She draws the covers back and kisses Tina's belly.]
Tina: I'm good. I'm excited about the ultrasound this afternoon.
Helena: (excited) Oh, that's right. Well, just tell me a time and I'll swing by the office and pick you up.
Tina: I'm going with Bette, remember?
[Helena tries to mask her disappointment.]
Helena: Oh, that's right. Okay, so... why don't you just come by here afterwards? Yeah?
[Helena gets up and heads back toward the closet.]
Tina: Well, Dr. Wilson's office is so close to my apartment, why don't you just come to me?
[Helena hesitates a moment, then continues on, sighing.]
Tina: Helena...
[Helena stops and turns.]
Helena: It's fine, you know - I'll, um... I'll call you when I'm on my way over. We'll go out for dinner. Okay?
[Helena walks off. Tina rubs her forehead.]
INT. - THEATER - MORNING
[A woman is showing Shane to the empty auditorium.]
Woman: Annie wants to shoot her old-Hollywood style, after Louis B. Mayer, something like that. Then you're gonna get her ready for her lunch meeting at The Grill with the writer of her next feature.
Shane: Do you mind telling me who this is?
Woman: The writer?
Shane: No - no. The person who hired me. I don't know who it is.
Woman: The story's about the most powerful woman in Hollywood.
[They enter the auditorium. Shane stops when she recognizes a familiar voice shouting at people.]
INT. - THEATER - AUDITORIUM - MORNING
Veronica: You are fucking brilliant. I fucking love that idea! I fucking love you, and I'm gonna French kiss you! And if you weren't such a faggot, I'd fuck you!
[Veronica is on the stage in stage makeup and a costume that consists of a fedora and a pinstripe suit. People mill around her. Shane hesitates.]
INT. - THE PLANET - MORNING
[Bette and Kit sit at a table having coffee.]
Bette: When is Benjamin coming in?
Kit: Tomorrow at 6:00. He's gonna check into the hotel and head over here.
Bette: So he's not staying with you?
[Kit looks sad.]
Kit: Um.
Bette: Because his wife...
Kit: Well, it's not like she's gonna find out. But he's just... what?
Bette: (shakes head) I just... I just don't want you to get hurt.
Kit: I'm not gonna get hurt. I knew, going in, what the deal was. And I'm fine with that.
[Bette looks unsure of what to say.]
Kit: Ohh. You think I'm a fuck-up, don't you?
Bette: No.
Kit: Yes you do!
Bette: I do not.
Kit: Yes you do.
Bette: I do not think you're a fuck-up.
Kit: Yes you do.
Bette: I don't. I think you're amazing. You know, I see how you've turned your life around and I'm - really - I'm in awe of how together you are these days. I just know the situation. And - and no matter what, I mean, there's always someone who gets hurt. And I just don't want it to be you.
Kit: He's not on tour now. He's just coming to see me.
[Bette smiles and rubs Kit's arm.]
Bette: Well, he's obviously crazy about you.
Kit: (chuckles) I'm preparing this very special dinner for him. Lara has ordered lobsters from Maine.
[They smile.]
Kit: Benjamin loves him some lobster.
[Bette stands.]
Bette: Well, you just - you look out after yourself, okay?
[Bette kisses Kit on the forehead.]
Bette: I love you.
Kit: Oh! Would you bring me back one of those x-ray pictures of the baby? Please, please...
Bette: (chuckling) Okay. I love you. Thanks for breakfast.
[Bette leaves.]
INT. - THEATER - AUDITORIUM - DAY
Veronica: Cover of the New York Times Magazine! (laughs) Pretty good, huh, Shane?
Shane: Yeah, it's pretty great. I don't know why you requested me, though.
Veronica: You do hair, don't you?
[Shane walks up onto the stage. She doesn't look amused.]
Veronica: Apparently, that's your life's ambition.
Shane: Don't fuck with me, Veronica.
Veronica: How am I fucking with you when I offer you the world on a silver platter? What's so wrong with seeing the potential in somebody and giving them a chance to make something of themselves? Did I underestimate you, Shane? Or did I just mistake you for a person of substance?
Shane: No. I think you mistook me for one of your one of your little tricks who'd let you slap her around and be grateful for the privilege of taking your shit.
Veronica: Are we getting to some core issues, Shane? Poor Shane.
Shane: Fuck you.
[Shane starts to walk off.]
Veronica: What about the possibility that I'm right about you?
[Shane stops.]
Veronica: That you really are better than this life you're living.
[Shane walks quickly over to Veronica and gets right in her face.]
Shane: Veronica? Listen to what I'm saying to you. I have no magic. And there is no mojo. So whatever it is that you're looking for, it doesn't exist! Okay?
[Veronica takes off her hat and tosses it aside.]
Veronica: Then why don't you do my fucking hair.
Shane: No thank you.
[Shane walks off. Veronica looks miffed.]
INT. - RESTAURANT - DAY
[Jenny walks up to Charlotte's table.]
Jenny: Hello.
Charlotte: Burr will be here in a minute. Have a seat.
[Jenny takes off her coat and sits.]
Jenny: I thought that he fired me.
Charlotte: I wouldn't let him. You're too good for one another.
[Charlotte gives her glass to the waiter.]
Charlotte: Another drink. More twist, less ice.
Jenny: (to waiter) Can I have a Chardonnay, please?
Charlotte: (to Jenny) You are a compulsive excavator of your own emotional navel lint.
[Jenny looks grossed out.]
Charlotte: A nit-picking, obsessive truth-teller. And Burr could stand a bit of literary pediculosis.
Jenny: Ew!
Charlotte: Hmm. Does that hit a little too close to home? Are we self-loathing body mutilators as well?
Jenny: (jokingly) Of course.
Charlotte: Can't wait to read about that in one of your stories. Hope you're not a cutter.
[Jenny chuckles.]
Charlotte: Listen, Jenny. You actually have a gift to portray the details of a life lived. I think non-fiction may end up being your Métier. It's why I want you to work with Burr.
Jenny: (whispering) I don't want to.
Charlotte: You need to get him to tell you stories.
Jenny: (whispering) I don't like him. He's a homophobe.
[Charlotte shakes her head. Burr approaches the table.]
Burr: Hi.
Charlotte: Hi. Hi, darling.
[They kiss on the cheek.]
Charlotte: How are you?
Burr: Good.
Jenny: Hello.
Charlotte: You remember Jenny Schecter.
[Burr sits next to Jenny.]
Burr: I do. Apparently we're destined for one another.
[A waitress brings Burr a glass of tea.]
Burr: Thank you, Suzie.
INT. - SEX TOY SHOP - DAY
[Alice and Dana walk over to the dildos and strap-ons section. Dana is wearing sunglasses.]
Alice: Alright, what do you think?
[On the wall are every size, shape, and color of phalli*** imaginable. A woman sales clerk walks over.]
Clerk: Well, here's a good way to think about it. An inch in diameter is two fingers inside of you -
[They turn to see her. Dana removes her sunglasses.]
Clerk: - an inch and a half is three fingers inside of you, the silicone ones are easiest to sterilize and so you can share.
Dana: Share. How do you sterilize them?
Clerk: Oh, just pop it in the dishwasher. But don't forget to take it out before the maid comes.
Alice: Oh, look. This looks - this looks fun.
Dana: What?
[Alice picks up a big, double-ended, pink, ribbed vibrator.]
Clerk: Oh, now that's very popular. Everyone's a winner.
Alice: (to Dana) (chuckling) No? Yeah, I kinda want you to...
Dana: Yeah.
Alice: You know. Anyway.
[Dana is starting to blush and get nervous. Alice is starting to look a little overwhelmed at the selection.]
Dana: I don't know - I don't even know where to start. There's so many shapes... sizes...
Clerk: Well, are you into semi-realistic? Realistic?
[Alice and Dana look at each other.]
Clerk: These ones here, Champlette, Leo, and Randy are all the semis -
[The clerk motions to a variety of colorful, non-descript vibrators, some with little designs, then motions to a variety above that look more real, except that they're huge.]
Clerk: - and up here, King Kong and Tyrannosaurus Rex are very like the real thing -
[Alice looks a little overwhelmed. Dana looks a little ill.]
Clerk: - and they come in colors. There's black, purple, blue, teal, red, hot pink, chocolate and vanilla.
[Dana squirms.]
Alice: (to Alice) Hot pink?
Clerk: There's combination marble swirl, there's disco glitter -
[Dana giggles at Alice.]
Dana: (to Alice) Ooh.
Alice: (to Dana) Do you want that?
Clerk: - and King Kong and Tyrannosaurus Rex both come in camouflage.
Dana: In case you're screwing in a war zone.
Alice: Oh, look!
[Alice reaches for a realistic dildo stuck to the wall. There's hair on it.]
Alice: Hairy balls.
Dana: Oh, that's just wrong.
Clerk: If you'll look at the base, they come with a suction cup.
[The clerk picks up one and shows the cup.]
Clerk: And that makes them easy to attach to the hotel window.
[She smacks it up against the wall. Dana and Alice jump. It sticks.]
Dana: Oh, look.
[Dana grabs a little dildo and holds it in her hand so that it looks like a thumb.]
Dana: (like Fonzie) Heeeey.
[Alice and Dana giggle at each other.]
Clerk: No, that's a butt plug.
[Dana quickly puts it back on the shelf and frowns.]
Clerk: The boys really like those because they get right inside and tickle the prostate.
[Alice looks a little embarrassed, but listens. Dana looks increasingly uncomfortable.]
Clerk: Although, the girls do like them, too. If you use it with a harness, you can detach the dildo, leave the butt plug inside, while you do other things.
Dana: What, like, the dishes?
Clerk: By the way. We have a great new lube. It just came in today.
[The clerk goes to get it.]
Clerk: I highly recommend this.
[The clerk shows them the bottle.]
Alice: Oh, you know, I think I'm allergic to that kind, so... strawberries.
[Dana turns to Alice.]
Dana: What? What haven't you done?
Alice: I haven't done lots of things. I wanna do them with you.
[Alice pulls Dana close to her. They grin shyly at each other. Another female couple enters the store.]
Clerk: (to female couple) If you need any help, just give me a shout.
Woman: Alright, thanks.
[Dana looks around the store and spots the female couple. She freaks out.]
Dana: Oh, shit, it's Melanie Caplan.
[Dana zips up her sweater.]
Alice: So?
Dana: So?
Alice: Why don't we get a cock ring?
[Alice walks off. Dana pulls her collar up around her ears, up to her nose, hunches her shoulders, and puts her sunglasses on. She walks sideways, following Alice.]
EXT. - MEDICAL PLAZA - DAY
[A big building with a big parking lot. A few cars parked out front.]
INT. - DR. WILSON'S OFFICE - DAY
[Tina is having her ultrasound done. Bette sits by her bedside. Dr. Wilson covers Tina's belly with some lube, then puts the ultrasound wand on her belly.]
Bette: Is that our baby?
Dr. Wilson: That's your baby, and those are her fingers.
[Bette and Tina breathe a sigh of relief as they smile at the monitor.]
Dr. Wilson: Very well formed, yeah.
Tina: Isn't she amazing?
[On the monitor, we see a black and white image of a tiny silhouette.]
Oh, it's like she's waving at us. Look.
Dr. Wilson: She's showing you her profile.
[Tina smiles at Bette. When Bette looks at her, Tina looks back at the monitor. Bette takes Tina's hand and squeezes. Tina squeezes back.]
INT. - RESTAURANT - DAY
Burr: So I guess I'm being dragged, kicking and screaming, to a place of tolerance.
Jenny: I don't really like the idea of being tolerated.
Charlotte: What's wrong with being tolerated, Jenny? It's better than being spat on.
Jenny: Because it implies that there's something unacceptable about my being gay.
[The waiter brings the check. Burr pays it.]
Burr: Frankly, I think it's perfectly acceptable for a girl these days. Men actually find it hot.
Charlotte: What's with the double standard, Burr?
Burr: Oh, don't be a prick, Charlotte. Look at any male actor today. There's not a self-proclaimed queer in the bunch.
Charlotte: (scoffs) Does anybody give a shit anymore?
Burr: They give a shit. Do you honestly think a studio's going to pay a guy what they pay me if his fans think he's a faggot?
Charlotte: All the millions you've collected over the years, what have you got to lose?
Burr: I was speaking hypothetically, darling. We're not really talking about me.
Charlotte: Oh. I thought we were.
Burr: Don't twist my words, Charlotte. I know you take pleasure in it, but be warned, sweetheart. Do you know how many lawsuits I've won against people who've tried to accuse me of what you just accused me of?
Charlotte: Are you threatening me?
Burr: (to Jenny) I think you might want to organize your friends to form a little legal defense fund for their beloved professor.
[Burr gets his jacket and stands. He walks to Charlotte.]
Burr: Fuck off, Charlotte.
[He kisses her cheek and walks off.]
EXT. - RESTAURANT - DAY
[The valet drives Burr's car to the curb. Jenny walks up to Burr.]
Jenny: Hey.
Burr: Hey.
Jenny: I want to tell you that I agree with what you said, man.
Burr: You do, huh?
Jenny: I do. Because the thing is, if some male actor were to come out and say, "Fuck, yeah. I'm gay," that would be, like, a huge gift to the world, but it would destroy their fucking career.
Burr: Exactly right.
[Burr gets in his car.]
Jenny: And don't worry about Charlotte, you know?
[Charlotte walks out. Jenny doesn't see her.]
Jenny: She's an asshole. She's not God, you know?
Charlotte: I wouldn't be so sure about that, Jenny.
Jenny: (laughs) Fuck.
Burr: (laughs) Hey Jenny. If you still feel like working on the book, be at my house tomorrow night at 8:30.
[Burr drives off.]
INT. - TINA'S APARTMENT - KITCHEN - DAY
[Tina is unpacking her grocery bags. She hands the food to Bette, who puts the items in the fridge.]
Tina: Thank you.
[Bette looks at her.]
Tina: That was really nice.
[They smile warmly, almost shyly, at each other.]
Bette: (grinning) Thank you. I really liked being there with you. I loved it more than you can imagine.
[Tina sets the groceries down on the table.]
Tina: Come here.
[Bette closes the refrigerator door and walks over, hesitant. Tina hugs her tightly. At first, Bette is reluctant, but melts into it. She closes her eyes and buries her nose in Tina's hair. They sigh, enjoying the contact.]
Bette: (whispering) You feel so good.
[Bette furrows her brow, seemingly fighting tears.]
Tina: (whispering) You smell good.
[They pull away slowly. Bette nuzzles Tina's neck, seemingly searching for a kiss, but Tina pulls away. They still hold each other close, and stare into each other's eyes. Tina pushes the hair back from Bette's face. Bette smiles sadly. Tina touches a thumb to Bette's lips, and then kisses her. The kiss is slow and Bette seems surprised. When Tina pulls away, Bette trembles and looks confused. Tina quickly kisses her again.]
[When the kiss ends, Tina pushes the hair back from Bette's face again and looks at her. Bette smiles. They kiss again, deeper. When the kiss breaks, Tina looks shaken. She stares into Bette's eyes. Bette touches her lips. Tina sighs and kisses her again, then unbuttons Bette's jacket.]
[They nuzzle, breathing harder, as they both push Bette's jacket off; it falls to the floor. Tina tries to kiss Bette again, but stops. She slowly runs her hands across Bette's chest, taking her breasts in her hands, and sighs. Bette kisses Tina's forehead.]
[Music plays - "No Other Love" by Heart.]
[Bette kisses Tina deeply. Tina sighs and moans, giving over to it.]
INT. - TINA'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - DAY
[Bette, in her bra and jeans, sits on the edge of the bed. Tina stands before her, in her t-shirt. Bette pulls the shirt up and caresses and kisses Tina's belly, reveling in the contact. Tina pulls her shirt off, and then kisses her.]
Tina: (whispering) Touch me here. Feel this.
[Tina guides Bette's hand down. She slips it under the waistband of her pants, low.]
Tina: (whispering) Touch me here.
[Bette shakes and sighs as Tina guides her hand. Tina holds her to her bosom. Bette shuts her eyes and furrows her brow, whimpering.]
Bette: Oh, my God. Oh, my fucking God...
[Tina pets Bette's hair. Bette kisses her chest.]
Bette: (whispering) Are you sure it's okay?
[Tina takes Bette's face in her hands and kisses her. They lay back on the bed.]
MOMENTS LATER -
[Bette lays on her stomach, naked except for her underwear. Tina lies along her side with her eyes closed, stroking and kissing her skin, and then slips a hand between Bette's legs.]
MOMENTS LATER -
[Bette lies behind Tina. They're making love, moving together, sighing and moaning. Bette kisses Tina's shoulders. They kiss then watch each other as they orgasm simultaneously. They shake for a moment, and then Tina reaches a hand up and touches Bette's lips. They kiss again slowly, and stare into one another's eyes. Tina touches Bette's face. Bette smiles a little, and kisses her again. Tina strokes Bette's hair as they stare quietly at one another.]
INT. - JENNY AND SHANE'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT
[Mark sits in a chair looking at himself in a mirror while Shane gives him a haircut.]
Mark: I don't know, babe. I think it looks little dyke-ish.
Shane: Welcome to the club.
Mark: (chuckling) I'm joking. I like it a lot. So, what the fuck do you think that bitch wanted from you?
Shane: Oh, I don't know. She's a fucking freak.
Mark: Damn, you know, I was just about to ask you to hook it up.
Shane: You were going to ask me to call Veronica Bloom?
Mark: I had a minute of thinking if she, uh, saw my project, she might be into it.
Shane: Mark, why didn't you say something?
Mark: No, it was just a fleeting thought. Don't worry about it.
Shane: Do you have any other leads?
Mark: Uh, no.
Shane: No?
Mark: Mm-mm.
Shane: Well, look, maybe I... maybe I'll get another job with a studio head or... maybe I actually will have a next job.
Mark: Yeah, you and me both.
[There's a knock at the kitchen door.]
Shane: Yeah?
[Carmen enters.]
Mark: Hey.
Shane: Hey.
Carmen: Hi.
Shane: Jenny's at work.
Carmen: Yeah, she's waitressing. (chuckles)
Shane: Yeah. So, uh...
Carmen: Oh, um, I just wanted to talk to you about some stuff, um...
[Mark watches Carmen in the mirror, pretending to mess with his hair.]
Carmen: You're cutting hair.
Shane: Yes, I am.
Mark: You know what? I have got a ton of work I need to be doing right now. (standing) Um, I'll clean this up when I -
Shane: No, no, I have it. I have it. No, I got it.
Mark: Okay. (to Carmen) Hey.
Carmen: Hi.
Mark: How are you? (to Shane) Thank you.
Shane: Yep.
[Mark leaves. Shane looks a little nervous.]
Shane: What's up?
INT. - THE GARAGE - NIGHT
[Mark enters, and goes to the computer. He looks at the camera in Shane's bedroom. The bedroom is empty. He switches to the one in the kitchen. Carmen and Shane are still there talking.]
[We hear a heart beating.]
Carmen: (monitor) - Shane. It's... I feel like there's something going on with you, and I would like to know what it is.
INT. - JENNY AND SHANE - KITCHEN - NIGHT
[Shane leans against the counter.]
Shane: Look, I just... (sighs) (thinking) Aw, fuck, you know, it's - it's hard for me... to have you and Jenny in my face all the time.
Carmen: You're having a hard time with it?
Shane: You know, I'm happy for you guys. Looks like you two are having a blast together and... that's a very good thing.
[Shane comes to stand in front of Carmen and stares at the floor.]
Carmen: Then why would it be so hard for you?
[Carmen steps closer.]
Carmen: Now, Shane, I want you to look at me.
[Shane looks up, sort of, but doesn't look at Carmen.]
Carmen: I know how hard you work to keep yourself at a distance from everyone else on the planet, but it's not working for you anymore.
Shane: It's working fine.
Carmen: No, it's not. It's not, because of this.
[Carmen puts Shane's hand to her own heart, and then puts her hand on Shane's heart.]
Carmen: Okay? Do you feel this? Most people don't have this. This is rare.
[Shane looks moved by the contact. She looks at Carmen finally.]
Shane: So what?
Carmen: That's right. So what? So what, if nothing ever comes out of this? So what, if you'll never act on it? You are so convinced that having a relationship near you is going to kill you.
Shane: Because it will.
Carmen: And that's why I'm with Jenny. It works because she and I are both biding our time, waiting for the real deal to come along.
Shane: Yeah. You don't think you and Jenny are the real deal?
Carmen: No.
INT. - THE GARAGE - NIGHT
[We hear the heart beating faster. Mark watches the monitor, rapt.]
Carmen: (monitor) Jenny wouldn't know what the real deal was if it bit her in the ass. She is so... lost in her own darkness. I think she likes it in there.
[The heart beat goes faster.]
Carmen: (monitor) But do you know what's fucked up?
Carmen: Is that you and I know what the real deal is. We saw it the first time we laid eyes on each other.
[They're very close. Shane looks as if she wants to kiss Carmen. She nods a little.]
INT. - TINA'S APARTMENT - FRONT DOOR - NIGHT
[Tina shows Bette to the front door.]
Tina: Bette. I just wanted to tell you that -
Bette: I know. I know. This doesn't mean (takes deep breath)... we're back together. I know.
[Tina shakes her head and smiles. Bette looks a little hurt.]
Tina: Let's not let it mess everything up.
[Bette looks crushed. She smiles anyway.]
Bette: It won't. I promise.
Tina: (smiling) We were doing great.
Bette: (smiling) Yeah. Great.
Tina: Okay.
Bette: Okay.
[Tina steps up to Bette. Bette looks uneasy.]
Tina: Bye.
[Tina kisses Bette on the cheek.]
Bette: Bye.
[Bette awkwardly returns the kiss and opens the door and leaves. Tina closes the door behind her, turns around, and sighs.]
INT. - JENNY AND SHANE'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT
[Shane and Carmen stand close. Carmen avoids Shane's gaze.]
Carmen: You're not living your life, Shane. And if you don't take any risks... (looks at Shane) then you might as well be dead.
INT. - THE GARAGE - NIGHT
[Mark watches the scene unfold, captivated.]
Mark: Fuck me.
INT. - TINA'S APARTMENT - FRONT DOOR - NIGHT
[Tina opens the front door. It's Helena.]
Helena: Hi.
Tina: Hi. Um, come in.
[Helena enters.]
Helena: Uh... you... you're not ready to go.
[Tina looks down at what she's wearing - her bathrobe.]
Tina: Do you mind if we just stayed here tonight and ordered in? I just... I don't feel like being out in public.
Helena: Well, we could go back to my place?
Tina: Is there a problem with staying here?
Helena: No. No. There's, um, no problem.
[Helena smiles and smooches Tina. Tina quickly grabs her and kisses her more, backing her against the wall. Helena seems quite surprised and amused but not really into it. She keeps her hands against Tina's shoulders, pushing her back. Tina doesn't seem to notice, or doesn't care.]
Tina: (kissing) Yeah.
Helena: (chuckling) Wha - are you having some kind of hormonal surge, here?
Tina: (breathless) Fuck you.
Helena: That is what you seem to want.
Tina: (chuckling) It is, actually.
Helena: Mm-hmm?
Tina: Yeah. I just wanna fuck all night.
[Tina walks Helena into the middle of the room.]
Tina: And I wanna fuck, and fuck, and fuck...
[Tina pulls Helena over to a chair and pushes her down in it. She kneels in front of her, breathless and excited, and sticks her hand up Helena's dress.]
Tina: ... and fuck, and fuck.
[Helena immediately pushes back and away as Tina paws at and kisses her.]
Helena: Oh - okay -
[Tina quickly kisses down Helena's chest. Helena pushes her away.]
Helena: No - no. I'm not - I'm not so sure that I like this. I don't think I like this.
[Tina sits up, breathless. Helena holds her at arm's length.]
Tina: Why not?
Helena: Because you're not acting yourself and I'm not sure that I like it!
[Tina pushes Helena's hands off.]
Tina: Oh. I see. Is it my apartment? Is it just too ordinary for you? Or, uh, you know. maybe it's that you need to be in control all the time. Or maybe you need an audience. That's it. That's what works for you. (raising voice) I don't think you're interested in sex unless there's some sort of risk or someone's watching or something else is going on!
[Tina gets up and opens the door to the patio.]
Tina: Here we go. (shouting outside) Hey! We're about to have sex! You wanna come watch?!
Helena: (standing) Tina, your neighbors!
[Tina closes the door and runs up to Helena, excited.]
Tina: Oh! My neighbors! That is a - that is a wonderful idea! (kisses Helena) Mm! You are so fucking hot!
[Tina races over and opens the front door.]
Tina: (shouting outside) Hey, we're about to have sex, me and my girlfriend, do you wanna come down here and watch us?! We're just gonna fuck!
[Helena blinks, flabbergasted.]
Helena: Have you gone mad?!
[Tina closes the front door and runs back to Helena.]
Tina: I don't know! What do you think? What do you think, do you think I'm fucking crazy?!
[Helena tries to hold on to Tina to calm her down. Tina pushes her hands away and Helena puts them back.]
Helena: No, I think -
Tina: Are you turned on?!
[Tina pushes Helena's hands away. Helena puts them back, trying to calm her down.]
Helena: (pleading) I think your hormones are raging out of control and I think I know better than to reason with you.
[Tina shoves Helena's hands off.]
Tina: Fucking hormones! What, I'm not allowed to have actual feelings now?!
Helena: Tina. I've been through this before.
[Helena takes Tina's hands, appealing to her. Tina doesn't look amused.]
Helena: Winnie was a monster at this stage in her pregnancy.
Tina: Yeah. And look at you and Winnie now.
[Helena looks stung by the comment.]
Helena: (sighs) You know, I think I'm gonna go now. I'm gonna call you tomorrow -
[Helena starts to leave. Tina blocks the hall to the door.]
Tina: No!
[Tina forcefully grabs Helena's arms.]
Tina: No, I need you now! I need you tonight! Stay here!
[Helena tries to hold on but Tina smacks Helena's hands off.]
Tina: (crying) Stay here!
[Helena puts her hand on Tina's face.]
Helena: I think you need to be alone. You need to be alone.
[Tina turns away. Helena looks at her sadly, then leaves. When she's gone, Tina rubs her forehead and cries.]
Tina: What am I doing?
INT. - DAN FOXWORTHY'S OFFICE - NIGHT
[Bette sits in the doctor's darkened offices. She looks worried.] Bette: I don't know how it happened. I don't know. I mean, we were working so hard at forging this friendship. Do you think I fucked it up by having sex with her?
Dan: Do you think you fucked it up?
Bette: I don't know. I mean, what did it mean?
[Dan shakes his head.]
Bette: I don't think she wants to get back together with me...
Dan: Do you want to get back together with her?
[Bette's emotions play openly across her face, saying that yes, it's all she wants; then she looks down at her hands and her face goes blank.]
Bette: I don't know.
Dan: How did it feel - having sex with her?
Bette: (laughs) It was fucking amazing. It was just fucking... amazing. It was like... all of the reasons that we fell apart just disappeared and, and it was like I had - it was like I had my life back for just one second.
[Dan nods.]
Bette: And it was also really sad.
Dan: Sad? How so?
Bette: Because I've lost her. Because... we don't... well, like she doesn't belong to me anymore. Like I - it feels - someone else had been touching her and making love to her and I felt that other person and I felt... her connection to that other person, you know? And... and she did things that we had never done together. And it was like she was so... (sighs) free.
Dan: Free?
Bette: Yeah. I mean, I always treated her so gingerly, you know, like she was some fragile thing. And now, even though she's pregnant, its like, it's like she's... it's like she's unbreakable.
[Bette pauses, thinking, then suddenly bursts into tears.]
Bette: I don't...
[Bette takes a deep breath and sighs.]
Bette: It was shocking, I guess. It was shocking - it was shocking that she was so... sure of herself. (smiles)
Dan: Bette... Tina's been though some major ordeals over the past year. Your break up. Uh, new career. Her pregnancy. These things can change a person. Make them stronger. Don't you think it might be a good thing?
Bette: Of course it's a good thing.
[Bette looks at the floor for a moment, then sighs.]
Bette: It just means... she doesn't need me anymore.
EXT. - SEX TOY SHOP - DAY
[Dana shuts the door of her car, which is parked on the curb outside the store. She's wearing her sunglasses again. She straightens her jacket, squares her shoulders and steps onto the sidewalk. She exhales, then removes her sunglasses, and bravely walks in.]
EXT. - THE GARAGE - DAY
[Jenny knocks on Mark's door.]
Jenny: Hey Mark, I need those Burr Connor DVDs back.
[Mark doesn't answer. She knocks again. The door opens.]
Jenny: Hello? Mark?
[Jenny goes in. She sighs, looking around at the stacks of DVDs for hers. She looks by the computer, but finds a tape labeled "SHANE/CARMEN LOVE CONFESSION" instead. She opens it.]
INT. - THE CAC - BOARD ROOM - DAY
[Bette is talking to a woman artist. She is showing a picture to Bette of part of a piece done by Christo, where he wrapped the shores of a small group of islands in the Florida Keys in pink fabric.]
Woman: This is the piece Christo did between '80 and '83 down in Miami. We've included images from Michael Heizer, Robert Smithson, Walter de Maria, uh, Dennis Oppenheim, and of course Andy Goldsworthy.
[Bette looks at the Christo photo, and picks up other photos from the table. James enters.]
Bette: I've been talking to Allyn about commissioning a new piece. Of course, we'll have to do more fundraising.
[Helena swaggers in.]
Helena: How about if I just... add it into the budget?
[Helena seats herself at the head of the table.]
Bette: Helena. I'm sorry we were just in the middle of a meeting.
Helena: I am offering to underwrite Allyn's entire retrospective. I don't want money to be the deciding factor on any creative decision. Do you have a budget?
Bette: I do.
[They both smile, staring daggers at each other.]
Helena: I'd like to see it, if I may.
Bette: Well, I'm not really ready to present it yet. But I will show it to the entire board.
Helena: That's not really how I like to work.
Bette: Well, it's the only way I can work.
Helena: I can deal with Leo on this if you'd rather.
Bette: Can we just have a separate meeting?
Helena: Absolutely.
Bette: Great.
[Helena picks up a photo from the table and looks at it. Bette and the woman stare at Helena. Helena pretends to suddenly notice.]
Helena: Oh, I'm just going to sit here and listen for a while.
[Bette sighs and smiles at James.]
Bette: Okay. Uh...
[Bette hands the woman a rolled-up chart.]
Bette: Why don't you show Helena your proposal for dealing with the passage of time?
[The woman clears her throat and unfurls a chart on the desk in front of Helena. Bette looks over at James.]
INT. - THE GARAGE - DAY
[Jenny sits, watching the tape of Shane and Carmen, where Carmen says Jenny wouldn't know what the 'real deal' was and she is 'lost in her own darkness'. We see her face, tears forming in her eyes as she watches.]
INT. - JAMES' DESK - DAY
[Helena sits on the edge of James' desk, on her cell.]
Helena: Hello.
Tina: (phone) Hi.
Helena: How are you feeling today?
INT. - TINA'S APARTMENT - KITCHEN - DAY
Tina: Same as yesterday.
INT. - JAMES' DESK - CNTD.
Helena: You're coming over to my house tonight.
INT. - TINA'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - CNTD.
[Tina sits down on the couch.]
Tina: Are you sure you want to see me?
INT. - JAMES' DESK - CNTD.
Tina: (phone) What if I have some sort of hormonal fit?
Helena: I'm sorry, that was... that was uncalled for on my behalf. Accept my apology?
INT. - TINA'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - CNTD.
Tina: Look, if you want me in your life, you just have to understand one thing, okay? I - I'm not some sort of toy that you can take down off the shelf and play with whenever it suits your mood.
INT. - JAMES' DESK - CNTD.
Tina: (phone) You understand?
Helena: Yes, you - you're not a toy.
Tina: (phone) And if we have some sort of disagreement?
INT. - TINA'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - CNTD.
Tina: The fact that I'm pregnant, it's not fair game. I don't want to be reduced to some sort of raging, hormonal lunatic.
INT. - JAMES' DESK - CNTD.
Helena: It'll never happen again.
INT. - TINA'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - CNTD.
Tina: Good.
INT. - JAMES' DESK - CNTD.
Helena: So... do I see you later on?
INT. - TINA'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - CNTD.
Tina: Okay.
INT. - JAMES' DESK - CNTD.
[James enters.]
Helena: Good. See ya later, darling.
[Helena ends the call and leaves.]
Helena: (to James) Bye.
INT. - BURR CONNOR'S HOUSE - DAY
[Burr is kickboxing with a guy named Roy. Jenny is led into the room. She watches them. Burr seems to be getting into it - until he sees Jenny. The split second costs him and Roy gets in a good punch, knocking Burr to the ground.]
Roy: You alright?
Burr: Yeah, I'm alright.
Roy: What a hit.
[Roy helps Burr up.]
Burr: (panting) (to Jenny) Be with you in a sec. (to Roy) We've got to stop.
Roy: Oh, that's going to leave a mark.
Burr: It'll be alright.
[They bow to each other.]
Burr: Okay. That's good.
Roy: That's it.
Burr: Tell you what, let's do it again.
[Burr and Roy shake hands. Still panting, Burr welcomes Jenny over. Jenny acts extra-cheery.]
Burr: (to Jenny) Hey.
Jenny: Hey. Hello.
Burr: Roy, Jenny.
Roy: Nice to meet you.
Jenny: Hello. Nice to meet you too. Let's shake hands.
[Jenny and Roy shake hands. Jenny giggles.]
Burr: You ready?
Jenny: Great.
Burr: Come on over here.
[They walk over to another part of the room and sit down.]
Jenny: How are you?
Burr: Sore. I'm alright.
Jenny: Yeah? That's awesome. Cool. Okay. So.
Burr: Okay. So you got all your stuff? You can use your little tape recorder today.
[Jenny gets her stuff out and sets it down abruptly.]
Burr: What's the matter?
Jenny: Nothing.
Burr: Something's the matter. You sure? Jenny?
[Jenny stops. She looks upset.]
Burr: What? Jenny. Stop. No, no, no. Come on.
[Burr gets up and walks over to her.]
Jenny: No, no, no - please, please!
Burr: Stop.
Jenny: (pleading) Let me do my job.
Burr: No, no, no, no.
[Jenny freaks out as he reaches for her.]
Jenny: Please! I'm sorry, just ignore me! I have such bad hay fever. Please, please, please. Please?
[Burr kneels in front of her and puts his arms around her.]
Burr: Come here.
[Burr hugs Jenny tightly. Jenny breaks down and cries.]
Burr: It's okay, it's okay. It's okay. Alright?
INT. - THE PLANET - NIGHT
[The cafe is empty, aside from Kit and a couple of staff. Kit is humming as she oversees a small table in a romantically-lit corner. A waitress comes in and puts a bottle of wine in a bucket on the table.]
Kit: Is everything all right in there?
Waitress: It's perfect. Don't worry. Lara is working her magic.
Kit: Excellent.
[Kit's cell phone rings. She answers.]
Kit: (phone) Hellooo? Hi, baby. Where you at? (listening) Oh no. What happened? The hospital? Oh. No, no, no. I - I understand. (sighs) No, I - I - I hope your mama's okay. No. (sighs) Oh, no, no. Don't even worry about it, okay? It's your family. And you have to be there for them. Yeah, it's okay. So just (sighs) - call me next week, okay? And I - I hope everything works out okay. Alright. Bye now.
[Kit hangs up. The waitress looks at her.]
Kit: What?
Waitress: I guess - I guess... so is dinner off?
Kit: Just put it on the menu and sell it, okay?
[The waitress walks off. Kit looks at the bottle of wine sitting on the table.]
INT. - HELENA'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT
[Helena is busy cooking.]
Tina: (off screen) Hello?
Helena: In the kitchen!
[Tina enters, carrying a bouquet of flowers.]
Helena: Hey.
Tina: Hey.
[They kiss.]
Helena: Thank you.
[Helena takes the flowers over to the sink and comes back and starts mixing something in a bowl.]
Tina: Did you cook all this?
Helena: Mm-hmm. I gave Sandra the night off.
Tina: (smiling) You mean we're completely alone?
Helena: Mm-hmm.
Tina: It looks amazing.
Helena: I was actually thinking of becoming a chef at one point.
Tina: You're just full of surprises.
[Helena pours two glasses of wine. She hands one to Tina.]
Helena: Now look, I know you're not supposed to - but this is too good to miss.
Tina: Just a sip.
[Tina takes a sip of the wine. Helena takes Tina's hand and leads her to a comfy chair.]
Helena: Now. Come with me. I'm gonna sit you down and wait on you, hand and foot.
[Helena kneels in front of her and takes Tina's boots off.]
Tina: I don't deserve it.
[Helena starts to massage Tina's feet.]
Helena: Forget about deserve. Deserve suggests you have to work for it. Just think:
[Helena kisses Tina's toes.]
Helena: "I'm entitled to it."
Tina: I like that.
Helena: Mm.
INT. - ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS GROUP - NIGHT
[Ivan sits with a small AA support group. One of the members, Ryan, is talking.]
Ryan: It couldn't have been worse timing for my sponsor to be out of town.
Ivan: But you found your strength and you hung on. Good for you, Ryan. Thanks for sharing tonight.
[The all applaud. Kit stands in the doorway. Ivan sees her.]
Ivan: Hey, pretty lady. Looks like you have something you wanna share tonight?
[Kit slowly enters the room. Everybody watches her.]
Kit: Hi. I'm Kit.
Everybody: Hi, Kit.
Ivan: Hey, Kit.
[Kit talks directly to Ivan. Tears form in her eyes. Ivan listens closely.]
Kit: And um, I got stood up tonight. I got stood up, and I - I looked over at that bottle of wine sitting on the table, that I set for him... (sighs) and I just said, "Fuck it, you know, I - I don't want that bottle of wine." But I'm - I'm - I'm just so damn lonely that I just wanted to be around somebody who... would listen to me. So I came here.
Ivan: I'm glad you came, Kit.
[Everybody applauds. Kit looks a little embarrassed.]
INT. - PERFORMANCE CLUB - NIGHT
[An old-fashioned salsa-style nightclub with a risqué stage performance. Tons of people mill around. Cuban music plays somewhere in the background. A scantily-clad woman dances on the stage, behind a beaded curtain; people gather around, dancing and shouting, having a great time.]
[Ivan and Kit walk through the club.]
Kit: So this is where you spend your time.
Ivan: Yeah, this is the
